i 'm not who i used to BE

Hv been quite isolated from blogging nowadays.. Nt much followers/comments for this blog; it is quite sad really.. Most people jz get hooked up by FB or msn.. However, i will keep blogging as i treat it as my own personal diary =D
A lot hv happened recently.. And there were many disappointing moments too. First of all is the dismal performance of Liverpool, my favourite soccer team in Epl. Having win 3/15 games doesnt seems like a true liverpool i knew before, but that is how football goes. It is quite the same as my life in kl rite now, so many sad moments but never a happy one.. Though i seems happy n carefree, but that wasnt a true me. all tis while i hv been deceiving bout my facial expression. although the jokes aint funny i laugh also. although the food aint delicious, i said it otherwise..
The main cause for this? No, it was juz my own fault. i know how terrible situation i am in now, but what i've been doing doesnt seems like i wan to get these fixed. Not goin to church, keep hook myself in front pc, keep doing bad in assignments that degrade my final exam marks, not doing any warm exercises.. this all AIN'T me.. And there is no such thing as win to me, there's only losses. representing my school for international chess, jz to find my team disqualified one day before the tournament. I realli put much hope into this to turn the table around, but the table juz couldn't turn.. Play dota wif frens, also keep dying and losing more ladder levels. This morning was a terrible one.. It was the maths lecturer again, no i didnt hate him.. He gave us too much chances this time in the mid term test, all the question are more or less the same as the tutorials. yet i am juz too far from expectation, screw everythng up in that important test again, if i fail this paper wif margin around 20-30, there will be no diploma next yr for me.. the lecturer said he wont help anyone dy. last week tests really came at a bad timing, having to hand in 2 reports, 1 assignmnt, and 1 presentation at the same time. And there is no time to go through the maths tutorial, what i've been doing was to study the examples in the notes and it happened to be a big gamble. One day to study maths juz aint enuff, i told myself before that.
From what the lecturer told us today, the fail rate will be higher tis time. The student behind me kept saying how well he hv been doing for the test, i reali frigging hate him, wanna give him a punchHH.. He is the kind of ponteng student, attending his 2nd / 11th maths lecture today, and saying that in such position realli make me tight-lipped.. the test paper will be released next week, quite anxious about the marks.. I am hanging on a strips of rope, waiting for some sort of lucky moment to survive. But it never happens to liverpool, that i always hope for a positive return but the team was just like me.. Couldnt even deliver a positive return at important moment.. The Reds are going down so is the great Skygazer..
Mum, dad i failed u too much.. Both of u have given me everythng, yet i couldnt deliver..i have no reason for all this failures. U cant expect sth from a hopeless son, personal skills zero, communication skills zero, analysing skills zero..