i 'm not who i used to BE

Hv been quite isolated from blogging nowadays.. Nt much followers/comments for this blog; it is quite sad really.. Most people jz get hooked up by FB or msn.. However, i will keep blogging as i treat it as my own personal diary =D
A lot hv happened recently.. And there were many disappointing moments too. First of all is the dismal performance of Liverpool, my favourite soccer team in Epl. Having win 3/15 games doesnt seems like a true liverpool i knew before, but that is how football goes. It is quite the same as my life in kl rite now, so many sad moments but never a happy one.. Though i seems happy n carefree, but that wasnt a true me. all tis while i hv been deceiving bout my facial expression. although the jokes aint funny i laugh also. although the food aint delicious, i said it otherwise..
The main cause for this? No, it was juz my own fault. i know how terrible situation i am in now, but what i've been doing doesnt seems like i wan to get these fixed. Not goin to church, keep hook myself in front pc, keep doing bad in assignments that degrade my final exam marks, not doing any warm exercises.. this all AIN'T me.. And there is no such thing as win to me, there's only losses. representing my school for international chess, jz to find my team disqualified one day before the tournament. I realli put much hope into this to turn the table around, but the table juz couldn't turn.. Play dota wif frens, also keep dying and losing more ladder levels. This morning was a terrible one.. It was the maths lecturer again, no i didnt hate him.. He gave us too much chances this time in the mid term test, all the question are more or less the same as the tutorials. yet i am juz too far from expectation, screw everythng up in that important test again, if i fail this paper wif margin around 20-30, there will be no diploma next yr for me.. the lecturer said he wont help anyone dy. last week tests really came at a bad timing, having to hand in 2 reports, 1 assignmnt, and 1 presentation at the same time. And there is no time to go through the maths tutorial, what i've been doing was to study the examples in the notes and it happened to be a big gamble. One day to study maths juz aint enuff, i told myself before that.
From what the lecturer told us today, the fail rate will be higher tis time. The student behind me kept saying how well he hv been doing for the test, i reali frigging hate him, wanna give him a punchHH.. He is the kind of ponteng student, attending his 2nd / 11th maths lecture today, and saying that in such position realli make me tight-lipped.. the test paper will be released next week, quite anxious about the marks.. I am hanging on a strips of rope, waiting for some sort of lucky moment to survive. But it never happens to liverpool, that i always hope for a positive return but the team was just like me.. Couldnt even deliver a positive return at important moment.. The Reds are going down so is the great Skygazer..
Mum, dad i failed u too much.. Both of u have given me everythng, yet i couldnt deliver..i have no reason for all this failures. U cant expect sth from a hopeless son, personal skills zero, communication skills zero, analysing skills zero..

Death of Broadband in Malaysia

Peer-to-peer (P2P) traffic is choking up local broadband lines with 20% of users utilising 80% of the total bandwidth, according to Internet service provider (ISP) TM Net Sdn Bhd. These quotes came from Dr Fadhullah Suhaimi Abdul Malek, general manager of TM Net’s corporate and strategy services:

“We are not against our customers using P2P. However, it is an unfair situation which needs to be addressed, as we cannot upgrade our infrastructure (merely) for the benefit of the minority”

Fadhullah said other countries with high broadband penetration also faced similar problems because “broadband users have a tendency to abuse bandwidth”

The above statements are quoted from The Star Online article. Let me make an assumption:
Let's say 20% of users are using 100% of their bandwidth, which is really just 128 kilobytes per second, all day. And this 20% is using 80% bandwidth of TMnet. Then, it must mean that TMnet only has enough bandwidth to support around 25% users using their full bandwidth at any time. Of course, this is a worst case scenario.

But combine this with the quotes above and things start to look wrong. TMnet CANNOT upgrade their infrastructure to even support 25% of their users using full bandwidth. Now despite having high capacity, they are introducing their 512kilobytes per second service while throttling 20% of their users and claiming that they don't have enough capacity for even 25% users.

Either this statement of bandwidth usage is downright wrong or they are really complaining that they can't make more money nowadays. As in, they would prefer to take away promised bandwidth from their users than upgrade their "high bandwidth" Internet lines. Most broadband users only surf the Web, chatting and occasionally download and watch online videos. What TMnet means is their customers can only use full bandwidth for a while everyday. Most of the time, you shouldn't be downloading. Most of the time, you should only be using 10% of your promised bandwidth, which isn't really a promise. It is a promise that can be broken at any time, under any due consideration by TMnet. This the best effort, as in TMnet will only grant you their promise as long as you behave and not ask for what has been promised. Confusing? In simpler words, just surf and occasionally use your full bandwidth on your "unlimited" broadband. By the way, how is using our full bandwidth an abuse?

Most, if not all P2P users already know that TMnet throttles their connection. Well, not really. TMnet did not publicly announce to all their users that they are throttling P2P. Yes, this news appeared on news websites and newspapers. Yet they don't have the "capacity" to announce it through their supposedly all-in-one bills. Instead they show you how much bandwidth you are really using each month on your "unlimited" service.
Shouldn't they correct their advertising and write "unlimited but throttled" instead? When everyone can't use a certain Internet service within the full bandwidth, it ceases to be unlimited. It is also not considered the best effort as TMnet makes no effort to upgrade their capacity and prefers to cut their users from using full bandwidth instead. This is the significance that shows how broadband is really "narrowband".

As more people are using broadband, the price stayed. It's not that as more and more people use broadband, the price drops and higher+cheaper bandwidth is available. It's safe to assume that TMnet wants a high amount of users per bandwidth ratio. Therefore they are holding back from upgrading their infrastructure, which means more customers can sign in, and still use their current network which is congested, and still be able to make more money. What are the chances of a price drop ever since the last 2004 double bandwidth upgrade? This is the direct effect of a monopoly and lack of government intervention. Telekom, the parent company of TMnet, controls the nationwide telephone lines, yet our government does not have the commitment or strength to pull a big corporation to its knees.

Our broadband services are a laughing stock compared to neighboring countries. Never before has a broadband service remained stagnant for 3 years with absolutely no change in price or bandwidth. In fact, our uploaded bandwidth actually drops with silence in the general media. Bloggers and frustrated users don't have the energy to go up against one of the biggest corporation in Malaysia and have long given up. This is the death of broadband in Malaysia.

A down friend..

Dear friend,
As i am writing this down, i am sure that now u are trying to find somethg to comfort urself.. Having fail all the maths test + exam + quiz, under the same lecturer, is really something that is hard to take. And everytime during the maths lecturer/tutorial, i can hear incessant bemoaning and bad words insult on him from ur own mouth.. Yeah, i agree on some points of u that he really teaches maths in a rushing manner, and uses slide show aint a practical way of teaching maths. Suffice to say, everyone of us make unnoticeable mistake like this too. Sometimes, we dunno whether what we have done is bad for others. Thats how life goes, and we should accept it with open heart.
After u receive yr test paper this morning after having a long chat with the lecturer, u start to avoid us. that time it really gives sort of disgusting feeling to us, as if we are enemy or we are the source of your failure. Well, it aint the first time it happens too.. I remember the last time when we didnt chat for 1 whole week, coz of this terrible feeling too. If you have some trouble, we are frens here to help u, dun juz ignore us like that.. It's not only rude, but it caused other people to have strange perception on u, as if we are in war of words with you. And let me tell you one thing. No matter what you do, u will trying to talk big in the beginning and finally ended up loser. That is what makes you speechless in the end and start ignore us in the end. And during the test, you just cant stfu, keep frowning just like a volcano ready to explode. What are you trying to proof here is "Damn! I want the whole class to know that i dont know do tis question and will fail in this test.Curse fei lou lecturer" Aint that stupid? Or u have other motive behind what u are doing. Dunno do just keep quiet like a scared rat ma..
Keep calmn.. No matter what happen, Jesus is with u.. Ain't that a key of life for someone who attend church every week? And of course, to be good in Maths not onli require practises, also understanding. You mentioned before that you only study for exam. You are damn wrong here.. If study for exam, then why dun u just forget about exam, and start to go work, get a life? U make it as if u are sacrificing everythg for just mere exam? See? All the chapters studied during last sem, when it is applied during this semester, u start to panic. Just like when u study A-Z alphabets when u are baby, how come u still can remember it till now? Coz we applied it in daily life la, same goes to maths now. It applies when u work next time.
Lanc/talk big. I did that when i was 99% sure of the rate of success. Ego belongs to all of us, and sometimes it can kill us off too. It is actualli the way of you expressing yr ego. some stated it out loud until the whole word can hear your words. But i rather do that when i become a success man. When i read a book by Donald Trump's Think Like a Champion, it makes me wonder. If i am at his stage now, i will be talking like him the same way too. Thats why this book is recommended for everyone to read...
Get up now, fren. We all don't want to see a proud guy to fall again, coz it affects our mood too. Actually i can express myself here in a better way, but all of them have disappeared in my mind after playing Dota for 3 hrs. Most of what i hv said here is actually the real picture what you look like. Until u see this post then.. but it aint happening i guess =/

Nutrilite 75th Anniversary 7.5km Walkaton

It was 5.15am today when me, my cousin and few of his friends reached Dataran P.J where the walkaton was held. The event was organised by Amway with conjunction with Nutrilite. What make this event grand is the involvement of the President of International Amway (onli know him as Dr.Sam)in this event. We were among the early birds who reached the venue out of thousands people and we were given a box of mystery gift just before the walkaton started. It was a very happening event and lots of them chanted and shouted during the warm up session. The walkaton started at 6.30 am. Feeling rather lethargic, I started rather slow a bit compared to other participants. I enjoyed the view of P.J in the morning and it really feels good. In the midway, I found most of the participants were tired and I sped through them until the finishing line, reached the finishing line around 7.15am although i am not among the top 75 finishers. Surprisingly, my cousin Jackson managed to finish at 30th placing although before the start he claimed that there is slight injury with his leg =,=" We all were given a certificate each. After having some rests, we went to the booths many exciting games carried out. I have my hand painted with the number "75" by a lenglui <3 Wanna take photo together with her but the cameraman Jackson is not there zzz . We also joined "Kick Like Ronaldinho" event and also a mini football competition (seems more like a bullfight coz it was played with 4v4 and the place quite small). Most of the time we ended up kicking each other.. In the end, I grabbed the winner from penalty kick and i won a ladies watch there=( There were also other events such as lucky draw, painting, etc where only members are eligible to participate. Though i am not a member of Amway , i felt just like part of them.
Time passed very quickly, at 11 am the event ended. After that, the whole gang had a lunch at Amcorp Mall before heading back. It was a supertiring day and the walkaton ate up most of my energy of the day. Reach back around 2.30pm, and now its a rest time =D

SMM SGNDT 09’ Kuala Lumpur

the just concluded SMM KL09 once again shows the dominance of Cybertime in Malaysia DotA scene. They defended the title for the 3rd time since grabbing the champion at 2007. SMM KL09 is the last of the 11 qualifying rounds held at states across East & West Msia. Gd luck to all teams in the GrandFinal!
Champions: CYBERTIME
1^st runner-up: IG.SHIZUMA
2^nd runner-up: NO SPONSOR
3^rd runner-up: YS
More updates on http://www.smm.net.my/new%20html/home.php

Sad year for 2009

Eversince the start of the year 2009, i had a bad feeling about how well i will be going throughout the year. And now it all seems clear to me that i had indeed a bad year yet again. This year, i missed the CNY celebrations with family, being stranded alone at hostel with most cafe's were closed and having to eat maggi mee during CNY, seriously it feels sucks. And sad of all, i screwed two chances of meeting my two good companions of my life for the last time. My late grandfather (father's side) on May and mother's side on this middle of month. My parents opted me not to attend both funerals, where I was pursuing my study in Kuala Lumpur. Although i expressed my tendency to attend for the first funeral on May, but it was always my mother persistence not to let me go.
This month, another setback came when my mum called me with rather a sad tone, but this time i argued no more, just expressed how sorry i feel. throughout that night, i flashbacked how i spent my time with both my late grandfather, how we used to pluck rambutans, catch fish, squirrel, and so on. I always had a great moment spent with them as i loved those kind of life back in countryside.. it feels painful to miss the opportunity to pay respect for my two best companions of life for the last time. . . Everything that has beginning has an end, thats all about life and what remain is just a memory.
My result for the last semester was insane and shocking as well. My CGPA dropped badly to 3.55 and definitely will affect my chances of getting scholarship during advanced level. I even screwed my record of not having non-A in my Maths after 15 years of studying. I accepted the failure with open heart as i have been studying and playing too much as well during the exam week, having just a little rest. Totally I lost my confidence and I dont know which part that i am capable in.. Not even studying, exercising, or public relation but dota? BLUFF?
Before the year concludes, i just have to conclude it myself. It was a bad year totally and i screwed up all the things that are important or unimportant, between my status or pride, between ambition and mere dream and lastly.... reality of life. Well, it is not that i have totally given up for the 2 months remaining, but i will try to use this 2 months as preparation of having better years ahead. The spark is there, just the matter of time for me to ignite it. Just wait and see! I will proof that i will be the greatest survivor on earth! They are more sad cases and if i have to list down all the bad things, i will be committing suicide in front of pc in the end>,<
Mood down, after seeing all my friends started gain their endurance aura and this semester, they are doing good, for just the beginning=) It just feels threatening, this kind of feeling and i don't really like it though. NoNo! Do not comparing myself and others! But the feeling that i was overwhelmed was just not good.. A resting dragon in its lair has yet to show its fangs..
Though this sounds like i am being arrogant, but that is how i feel to comfort myself right now. It just feels not right. everything, my thoughts and senses.. And after months of being away from blogging, this time i will pay more attention to it and refresh everything!

College News:The official launch of Vios at TARC =)

As you can see, the 'new' Vios have just been released and officially launched by tis fellow here, i dunno his name == The launching took place somewhere 1pm this afternoon by the roadside near Canteen 2, manage to get most attention from the crowd. No wonder TTnite booth looked quite abandoned today.
A girl was crying some distance away from us, with few of her friends trying hard to convince her. That was what one of my friend claimed to see. Without noticing, the whole group just took their pictures along with the car and this is the best pose taken^^
Well, the whole group LOL LOL while I also couldnt hold back my laugher. I felt really sorry for the poor driver and her skillful way of parking. Plus, having to see the condition of the car + some LOL crowds is too much painful for a girl who have just gotten her P. To all road users in TARC,

~Drive safe, Don't Rush~