Sad year for 2009

Eversince the start of the year 2009, i had a bad feeling about how well i will be going throughout the year. And now it all seems clear to me that i had indeed a bad year yet again. This year, i missed the CNY celebrations with family, being stranded alone at hostel with most cafe's were closed and having to eat maggi mee during CNY, seriously it feels sucks. And sad of all, i screwed two chances of meeting my two good companions of my life for the last time. My late grandfather (father's side) on May and mother's side on this middle of month. My parents opted me not to attend both funerals, where I was pursuing my study in Kuala Lumpur. Although i expressed my tendency to attend for the first funeral on May, but it was always my mother persistence not to let me go.
This month, another setback came when my mum called me with rather a sad tone, but this time i argued no more, just expressed how sorry i feel. throughout that night, i flashbacked how i spent my time with both my late grandfather, how we used to pluck rambutans, catch fish, squirrel, and so on. I always had a great moment spent with them as i loved those kind of life back in countryside.. it feels painful to miss the opportunity to pay respect for my two best companions of life for the last time. . . Everything that has beginning has an end, thats all about life and what remain is just a memory.
My result for the last semester was insane and shocking as well. My CGPA dropped badly to 3.55 and definitely will affect my chances of getting scholarship during advanced level. I even screwed my record of not having non-A in my Maths after 15 years of studying. I accepted the failure with open heart as i have been studying and playing too much as well during the exam week, having just a little rest. Totally I lost my confidence and I dont know which part that i am capable in.. Not even studying, exercising, or public relation but dota? BLUFF?
Before the year concludes, i just have to conclude it myself. It was a bad year totally and i screwed up all the things that are important or unimportant, between my status or pride, between ambition and mere dream and lastly.... reality of life. Well, it is not that i have totally given up for the 2 months remaining, but i will try to use this 2 months as preparation of having better years ahead. The spark is there, just the matter of time for me to ignite it. Just wait and see! I will proof that i will be the greatest survivor on earth! They are more sad cases and if i have to list down all the bad things, i will be committing suicide in front of pc in the end>,<
Mood down, after seeing all my friends started gain their endurance aura and this semester, they are doing good, for just the beginning=) It just feels threatening, this kind of feeling and i don't really like it though. NoNo! Do not comparing myself and others! But the feeling that i was overwhelmed was just not good.. A resting dragon in its lair has yet to show its fangs..
Though this sounds like i am being arrogant, but that is how i feel to comfort myself right now. It just feels not right. everything, my thoughts and senses.. And after months of being away from blogging, this time i will pay more attention to it and refresh everything!